Response to Suggestions for my Essay

When a classmate read through my essay and wrote a letter about his opinions of it, he pointed out a major issue that I had never noticed before. My essay contrasts the learning that goes on through SEEDS with the learning that occurs in a school classroom. However, in doing this, I come off as biased against school learning, because I mainly focus on the advantages SEEDS has as a way of promoting the organization. It is suggested that I could remove some of the bias by including citations from sources, but most of the information I used is derived not from books but from my own thoughts and personal experiences, both being a student and working with younger students/children. Thus, while I'd certainly like to remove any element of bias from my essay, I am not entirely sure that I can do this through citation. I'll have to come up with something...

Rough Criteria for the Exploratory Essay

When a few people in our class found that their essays didn't fit into one of the 3 catagories (Personal, Persuasive, or Informative), we, being the innovative geniuses that we are, came up with our own essay type: the Exploratory Essay. But this raises the question...

What makes a Good Exploratory Essay?
- define what you are "exploring"
- uses personal experiences/background knowledge
- goes farther than simple description
- exposes authors views/personality
- level of formality appropriate for topic
- some sort of conclusion/closure needed at the end

The "Get It Down on Paper" Essay Method

When I sat down to write my essay first draft on Sunday, I used the directions Professor Scott gave to us: write as much as you can, as fast as you can. Overall, I didn't think writing like this worked very well for me, but there were a few advantages. For one thing, I wrote much longer of an essay than I expected, and I have always had a problem with longer papers. Another was that I found that my purpose was actually shaped and refined as I wrote, so I had a much clearer idea what it was I was writing about by the time my draft was completed. However, the sort of writing that I am used to invloves planning and mapping out ideas before the actual writing begins, and that made this sort of writing feel like a stretch to me. I wasn't comfortable writing paragraphs when I hadn't predetermined the order in which my ideas would develop.

Another Attempt to Discuss the Essay

After reading the other two things about essays, I think I understand a little better what one is. For one thing, it isn't fiction. You can tweak or invent minor details as part of your literary license when writing a personal essay, but you can't just make the whole thing up. It also needs to possess some sort of literary quality that allows it to transcend one particular topic or event and appeal to a wide range of people. We read essays that were written over 200 years ago and still consider them to be great, because we can appreciate the way they deal with a subject even if that subject isn't relvent anymore in today's culture.
My other main conclusion is that you could ask ten writers to write an essay, sit down with the final products, and still have no real clue what specifically an "essay" is. Each one of the ten could be very different from the others. It would be like trying to use a generic description of a dog (furry, wet nose, has 4 legs and a tail) to find a specific breed of dog in a pound. Every one is very different, yet every one of them still fits the general description.
Probably the most important thing I drew from the readings that could be used for my essay is that a good essay is able to deal with the readers on a personal level. You feel, as you're reading the essay, as though you are actually conversing with the author and getting to know them. I'm not always sure my writing has a very personal touch, and so I will make sure to look into this as I revise.

Responses to Comments on my Research Proposal

When Professor Scott read over my research proposal, she immediatly detected one of the major flaws that I hadn't realized before. I never actually ask for anything in the course of my proposal. Since the idea is that we are writing these to obtain funding, this is a key problem. Because my research is very simple and requires no special equipment (and I would not have to quit a job), I don't need any large sum of money to conduct it. Professor Scott suggested that maybe instead I could ask for a small sum of money so that every adult who participates in the study will receive a small compensation for their efforts. The other comments she gave are mostly structural things - working with transitions, and where to include longer explanations and where to keep it simple. This was the main concern I had expressed in my cover letter, whether or not the document met the purpose, flowed well, and made sense as a whole. I feel like this question was answered and I know exactly how to fix my draft to make a good final copy for the portfolio.

Reaction to the Three Essays

Even though the three essays are very different in terms of the topics they discuss, they share several general characteristics that make them examples of both essays and good writing. They are all shorter than book-length, but longer than articles. They include background information and many significant details in addition to the primary message or story they convey, but all of this is kept around or under 20 pages. Another common characteristic of the essays is that they present right up front what the main idea is; there is no waiting for a plot line to develop. One thing that these and many, but not necessarily all, essays share is that they are about a very significant experience in the writer's life. That experience could be several hours in duration, such as a conversation with Fidel Castro and Muhammed Ali or it could be several years, such as living in a Puerto Rican neighborhood in New York City.
What makes these essays in particular very good is that they are extremely descriptive and interesting. The use of vivid adjectives and unusual comparisons keeps the reader very engaged, and truly feeling as thoug he or she is a part of the story. I feel that, in essays or any other kind of writing, one of the primary concerns is getting the reader so that he or she wants to keep reading and actually cares about what you have to say. I feel that Ortiz Cofer especially does a magnificant job of that in her work.

Abstract vs. Background

When I originally wrote my paper I began with a background section in which I describe a day at a SEEDS summer camp. I liked this opening because I felt like it really set the stage for my descriptions of SEEDS as a fun and friendly atmospohere that's great for kids. However, in class when we did workshops, I began to worry that the main ideas of my proposal were not developing quickly enough, and maybe I would have to actually begin my paper with an abstract section. In the end, I decided to have a 2-sentance abstract within my cover letter, so that I could present the main ideas of my paper up front, and still begin the actual body of my work with a background description.

Revising Questions

What is your project?

My project involves gathering as much information as possible about SEEDS so that I can hopefully indentify what makes it "tick". SEEDS incorporates instruction in valubale envrionmental concepts with enjoyable outdoor experiences. If I can indentify where exactly these qualities originate from, then I will be able to better understand why SEEDS is successful.

What works?

My draft uses an informal, highly descriptive style that I've been told by my peers creates a very appropriate tone for the proposal. I like the sections that I've chosen to include, because I feel they allow me to elaborate fully on my topic without epeating myself.

What else might be said?

My paper pretty much assumes that SEEDS provides a quality learning environment for children and doesn't really mention anything about what it means if I find this is not the case in my research. I've also left out a lot of the annecdotal stuff that I got from the newspapers and talked about SEEDS in general terms rather than relaying specific stories.

What's next?

Hopefully, if my research supports that fact that SEEDS is a very good experience for children, the Virginia Department of Consevation and Recreation will go on to implement similar ideas in locations all across the state, and give kids everywhere the same opportunity for learning and development through experience.